The wonderful creation that is the internet has long been a
source of self substantiation. The inexhaustible reference that Google has
become has lulled us into a, often incorrect, belief that we are able to
effectively self diagnose, treat and prevent every ailment in our personal and
professional lives. The simple, ever turned to answer, to any question in the
21st century is...Google it. Maybe it is, in fact, not actually that
simple. Has our increasing eagerness to rationalise that which we are
experiencing through a cursory web search led us to believe that which is
simply not true?
After injuring my knee I did what any inquisitive
twenty-something-year-old would do, I turned to the internet for answers. At
first, whilst waiting to see a specialist, I believed that Google would tell me
what was wrong...it didn’t. Then, after hearing the prognosis, I believed that
Google would tell me what my surgery would entail...it didn’t. Then, I turned
to Google once again for information as to what to expect from rehab, again
Google didn’t have the goods. Upon reflection, I am sure that somewhere within
the insurmountable page after page of information the correct answer was lying
in wait, ready to be found, read and understood. The problem was not the unavailability
of the correct answer, but instead the sheer volume of answers not relevant to
my circumstance. Finding relevant information via a Google search is much akin
to finding the proverbial needle among the haystack; one can find themself not
seeing the trees for the forest.
After months of rehab, with the light at the end of the
tunnel remaining a distant glow in a dark horizon, I sought inspiration; stories
from those who had been through what I was experiencing, their trials and
tribulations. So once more, without hesitation, I turned to, my trusted
reference, the internet. What I found was stories of triumph; stories from
those refusing to be limited by personal circumstance or physical ailment.
Success after success after success, the stories went on. The guy who lost his
leg from a ground fall and now onsights harder climbs than I could dream of
being dragged up. The boulderer who blew his shoulder and went on to crush V12s
within a year. Story after story of gleeful successes. A distinct pattern
emerged from the anecdotes; injury, positivity, inspiration, success. I was
hurt, I stayed positive, I was inspired by those around me, and then I
succeeded. They were never negative,
downhearted, uninspired or uncommitted, the stories depicted 24/7 positivity;
such unwavering positivity I was not able to muster. Ever faithful in my
trusted reference, I looked inwards for the problem. Surely if ALL of these
people were able to remain positive throughout their recoveries, the negativity
that I was experiencing was nothing other than fruitless self pity. I
categorised my negativity as self-vindication – worthless and unproductive.
After dragging myself out of the doldrums, not for the first
time, or even the last, during my rehab journey, I allowed myself a moment of
reflection. Was it possible that my trusty reference had tricked me again?! I
am sure that the people I read of were positive and inspired, but just perhaps
they too experience moments of weakness; moments when being recovered was a
dream difficult to conceive in reality. Moments when the pain that one must
intentionally force upon themself in the name of recovery was simply too much,
or when dreams passed no longer seemed achievable. Perhaps these stories were
out there and my cursory internet search simply hadn’t unearthed them. Perhaps
what I was feeling was not so much self-pity as it was acceptance that
something less than good had happened.
Realism – “interest or concern for the actual or real”. It really isn’t pleasant to be injured when
you would otherwise be able to participate in the same activities as your
friends and doing a weighted leg press after a knee reconstruction actually does hurt. Pretending that this
is not the case is living in the abstract, a fantasy world of no substance. The
truth is rehab is a journey that has taken me to incredible highs and crippling
lows. Don’t be deceived, it has not been an easy journey, nor has it been quick
(it may have seemed quick to you, but you were not the one sidelined in an
itchy brace learning to walk again), but it has made me a better person and
could quite possibly be the best thing that has ever, or will ever, happened
for my climbing. I am sure that I will regain my strength and that I will climb
better in the future than I thought possible in the past and had I waited a few
more months before writing this my anecdote may have followed the same familiar
pattern of those I mentioned; injury, positivity, inspiration, success. Because,
for the most part, I have remained positive and those around me truly do
inspire me and I will one day be successful and in retrospect these will be the
moments I remember and those I would probably deem worthy of reporting. The
information I sourced during my web searches was, yet again, not incorrect, it
simply was not relevant to my stage of recovery at the time. There is a
significant difference between realism and self-pity, between not being
positive 100% of the time and having a negative outlook, between what others
have experienced and what you are experiencing. Unfortunately my need to
substantiate what I was experiencing through a web search disallowed me to
realise this for some time.
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